Nothing will make the Asus Z97 Pro M.2 device boot, any ideas?

I've dug up several solutions by way of Google but none that actually works for me... and the UEFI setup is complicated enough that there are dozens of combinations and permutations that I've spent hours trying to figure out to no avail.

Anything would help... GPT won't boot, maybe there's a magical way to get it to work with MBR?? Seriously, hours, I just can't spend anymore time on this.

It should be simple but it's hellishly not.